Choices

There is joy in making a choice.

For some time now - entirely possible that the time in question has been since I was a child - I have been allowing others to affect my happiness. In so many cases, I have given others power to control how I feel and who I am being in the world. I have allowed this for a bunch of reasons...not the least of which is my unconsciousness to what I am allowing, but also because I've been afraid.

I've felt fear at losing something/someone and therefore I have unconsciously blinded myself to other options, other ways to dealing with a situation, a person, or a place in my life. High emotion (i.e. fear), as one of my teachers once said, can lead to low intelligence. Low emotion (i.e. centeredness/peace) tends to have a fairly cozy relationship to greater intelligence...which is not the same as book smarts - I'm referring instead the intelligence of the soul and of the heart.

The "what ifs" of life, when I take them seriously impede my ability to feel outward in all directions and to know in my own heart what is true for me. What if I can't do it? What if I fail? Well, so what?

I can be blown about by my reactions or I can be lifted by the wind and surf it with the deepest confidence that I will be okay, no matter what. Savor the adventure.

I can be hurled about the sea of emotions or I can set my sail, open my heart and be willing to face the wind with love only. Live spontaneously.

I can look at the water and be afraid of it's depth, that it will be too much for me...or I can chose to know that I am all things and all things are me. Revel in oneness.

Even in this moment, I felt a fear of writing this post...a moment of uncertainty of what you may think of me and of the words I've written.

No matter what you may feel towards me or think about me, I love you. This is my choice and I am rested in joy.